Phase Two of My Journey

It's been a long time coming - but here I am in my journey! First of all I have to thank the many friends and family who continually call, text and bless me with their thoughts and prayers and gifts! I never dreamed it would mean so much. Tears flow every time there are gestures of His love shown through anyone!

On the 30th of August I had my long awaited surgery. I think the turning point was the last chemo treatment to which I showed some allergic reactions. It was excruciating! The first 4 treatments went really fine and I was able to bounce back after each one in about 4-5 days.  But this chemo was a different one and side effects were just awful - I knew something was very wrong . After doing another mammogram - they discovered there was no shown improvement in the size of the tumor, which was absolutely crazy. At that point I pulled the plug on the chemo and said I was ready for surgery. It was the right choice.

My sister Barbara came and cared for me for a few days after I came home. I am very appreciative of all of my sisters and their love. The surgery was successful and they got very clean margins on the cancerous area. My heavenly Father has walked so close with me everyday. Every morning He gives me manna to get me through that day. It is a fresh word that sustains me every day. The pain from surgery has certainly slowed me down - however - I have restarted my piano lessons in the 2nd and 3rd week of Sept. - hallelujah! I figure I can work 1 to 2 hours a day! Also I have 2 jewelry shows booked in October!

Speaking of the manna - I am learning endurance. I have described myself as a "get er done" type of girl. I am very active and wake up with a plan every day. When my 88 year old Mom lived with me for 7 years - that is how I described her! Every morning she had a plan of what she needed to do - one day it was "Let's gt to Walmart and buy some new buttons for this coat!" Of course she'd had the coat for 35 plus years!! But she wouldn't rest until we got those buttons! I guess that's why she lived to be almost 92!

I am very much the same - Like I originally said - "This does not change the plans and purposes of God for my life" - However - it does change when and how they get done. there are days when I just can't stand another doctor appointment or sitting around doing nothing, because I feel like a sloth. I find myself always wanting things to be over.

One morning I was reading in one of my devotionals and I got the word - "You can pick the rose early - but it will not bloom." Mmmm... In my rush to want to move things on - I wasn't considering how God was doing such a work in my heart and life. There are some trials that take so much longer than we want. Whether it's watching your children go through things - wishing they did not have to go through the normal learning things of life, or facing divorce or a death that just has to work itself out in a time of healing, it all takes TIME.  I'm learning to let go of time. He is in control. (You'd think I would have learned that long ago!)

Last week I got another dose of reality! I have been very focused on trying to have this all behind me in one year. Weeelll...I met with the surgeon and the oncologist and got my pathology report. It was a little more grim than I was hoping. The cancer was in 5 of the 8 lymph nodes they extracted. Also, in my case, the cancer is totally fed by estrogen and progesterone. Without any more treatment, the cancer has an 80 % chance of coming back. I've been very focused on being done with things. I know I am facing some reconstruction and I was hoping for this to be on a continual track and be done in a few months. Not gonna happen.

The strong realization is that it is going to take another year of my life. I have to put my focus on my health - not just hurrying through this ordeal. I have a lot of choices to make. They want me to have radiation. Thank God - no more chemo! Come to find out - it is relatively ineffective on hormone fed tumors! They didn't know it was fed that much by hormones. I am carefully researching and reading everything I can. The best advice I can give to anyone who goes through this is read - read - read!!! I have tried to educate myself. In fact I have to tell you one really cool story!

I had read in one of my books by one of the top surgeons about what kind of anesthesia should be used during breast cancer surgery. Right before surgery I met with the anesthesiologist, which is to be expected. What he wasn't expecting was the 2 page article I had on what anesthesia should be used. It kind of threw him! He read and talked and read and talked. At the end of the meeting he thanked me for challenging him and we used a different method of knocking me out!

Also right before surgery 2 people, unknown to me, offered to pray for me - saying they felt led by the Lord! Then while my sister, my husband and son were all there - I grabbed the hand of the surgeon and said I wanted to pray over her hands. I prayed for gifted hands - that God would lead her. She is a precious Christian.

To wind up this long scenario - I want to share what manna I received this morning. Being that I am a musician - God really knew how to speak to me.
(Gee what a shock!) This is a portion from "Streams in the Desert".

"Not without design does God write the music of our lives. Be it ours to earn the tune and not be dismayed by the "rests". They are not to be slurred over, not to be omitted, not to destroy the melody, not to change the keynote. If we look up, God Himself will beat the time for us. With the eye on Him, we shall strike the next note full and clear. If we sadly say to ourselves "there is no music - in the 'rests' let us not forget "there is the making of music in it" The making of music is often a slow and painful process in this life. How patiently God works to teach us! How long He waits for us to learn the lesson!

Tomorrow morning Robbie and I leave for Washington DC. We have the honor of singing at a political event there! God is gracious to give us this opportunity. I am excited to get away and enjoy this 3 day event. Thank you Father writing the music for our lives as you have so faithfully done for many years!

Love to you all,
Martha